I can't make you love me if you don't

Dearest Blogger,

I don't know if it was something I said or did, but lately you have been acting a little weird. Is it someone else? Is it that I'm not religious? Is it my tendency to not answer your phone calls during important television programs? I'm going to attempt to keep this judicial and not lose my temper, I don't want to say something I'll regret (I don't want to repeat the Friendster incident). So here are a few things you've done recently that have made me feel a little unloved:

Example #1: Document contains no data.
Are you trying to ignore me? I know you're there, but you won't respond. Over and over I call out to you...blogger....blogger. But nothing. You just turn away from me, you cold heartless bastard. Is this because I didn't have time for you a few weeks ago? I'm sorry, work was crazy, but I was always thinking about you. Always.

Example #2: The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.
Internal error? Misconfiguration? En anglais, por favor. I know we've had to face the language barrier in the past, with me being a human and you being a URL. I don't speak html. I know, I should have taken a class in college, but instead I took four semesters of French and where did that get me? I can only say four phrases, none of which can be strung together to form a complete thought.

I'm sure there are other things that you've done to piss me off lately, but I don't feel that it's necessary to list them all right now...there are some things we should keep private (like the fact that you never hold me after sex). If you want to continue this relationship, then when I hit "publish post" you'll publish goddammit and not take fifteen f*cking minutes sitting on 0 % until I give up and go to another webpage. Is that what you want?

I say these things b/c I want this to work.

XOXOXO,
R.

p.s. Even after writing this heartfelt letter, you're still pulling the same sh*t ...document contains no data...what the f*ck do you think all of this is?